This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: August 6, 2020
July 31
β¨I'm fascinated by the rules of this game pic.twitter.com/JIIzJKvGOD
β btw there's still a pandemic π£ (@ziyatong) July 31, 2020
Make blood faster, complains head vampire. https://t.co/doJ4uiCirq
β Michael Healey (@healeytypes) July 31, 2020
β¨does anyone know if we are supposed to rage against Florence also
β soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) July 31, 2020
My 9yr old's first book review, I guess pic.twitter.com/19bvN4AnVr
β Michael Jimenez (@mikeets14) July 31, 2020
β¨Trump is reportedly banning TikTok so if you want to watch 16 year olds dance you have to get on a plane with Bill Clinton.
β Tim Dillon (@TimJDillon) August 1, 2020
August 1
β¨The film crew. This is amazing. pic.twitter.com/d53Wfx9NAz
β ππΌπΌ (@leesteffen) August 1, 2020
You ever just think about how anything short of full blown revolution within the next decade will result in the death of civilization and the planet
β Gaius (@Gaius_Gracchus_) August 1, 2020
β¨british ppl be like i weigh 19 stone, im 15 tree branches tall and my iq is 30 squirrels https://t.co/uvsqlccgAx
β jennyπ (@jennyalogy_) August 2, 2020
The Wikipedia page for "Baby Got Back" is honestly pretty great pic.twitter.com/LIzKw0TxKA
β Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) August 2, 2020
August 2
I just got kicked out of a flat earth Facebook group because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing guideline had pushed anyone over the edge yet.
β Kevin Shanks (@forensictoxguy) August 2, 2020
DoorDash workers must be protected at all costs pic.twitter.com/G8hq26PR6S
β decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) August 2, 2020
β peyton (@vaginabuyer) August 2, 2020β¨
so amazing how my parents found each other even though they were from opposite ends of the eyebrow spectrum pic.twitter.com/7ryJXhNjNv
β a lesbian's lesbian (@mitraskoura) August 2, 2020
β¨Decades of "the customer is always right" has created legions of the most entitled pricks in human history. https://t.co/BcPll095TX
β Eldon Katz (@Eldon_Katz) August 3, 2020
Every "safety plan" I've seen that would allow public schools to reopen requires that kids behave in ways that no child has ever behaved in the history of children.
β jesus was an anarchist (@girlziplocked) August 2, 2020
β¨ur mid twenties is all about fucking up that little muscle between your spine and your shoulder blade. nothing else happens
β lil lord fuckpants (@sh_wnee) August 3, 2020
August 3
replace ellen with space ghost
β Jill Krajewski (@JillKrajewski) August 3, 2020
β¨America: You drive for four hours. You are still in the same part of the country.
β Stefan (@Zin5ki) August 3, 2020
UK: You drive for two hours. The local accent has changed twice. Bread rolls have a new name.
Funny how it's always "The Simpsons predicted the future" and never "We created ourselves a nightmare world beyond parody".
β Kung Fu Monster D (@Duerer95) August 4, 2020
β¨I think I have found my ideal relationship pic.twitter.com/lq93LI39tq
β Saddington 2 βοΈπ₯Ί (@2Saddington) August 3, 2020
Canadian cities look to decriminalize more things now that white people want to do them https://t.co/1ZFaIaXMIa
β Walking Eagle News (@TheEagleist) August 4, 2020
β¨not trying to be annoying but literally what else would it be about https://t.co/FlyCUBcvsP
β shelby wolstein (@ShelbyWolstein) August 3, 2020
August 4
MARCH COMMERCIAL: during these uncertain times, we're thinking of you and your family
β Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) August 5, 2020
AUGUST COMMERCIAL: look you might as well catch it at burger king
β¨wait what kind of crime scene has both https://t.co/R9UyxB9z6F
β Nick Morrow (@NRMorrow) August 4, 2020
I just saw a job require 15+ years in social media experience?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!!!! So like they want to hire Tom from Myspace!??!
β lydia juliet (@CashLydia) August 4, 2020
β¨I tweeted about having huge tits and I got ten new followers, all men. there was no picture attached. they didn't need proof, the idea alone was enough.
β system vulva down (@svendsgaard) August 5, 2020
rihanna would be a great roommate pic.twitter.com/d21HHTOMmg
β internet baby (@kirkpate) August 4, 2020
August 5
β¨the world's biggest landlord will only use a massive DNA database for good, I reckon. https://t.co/gC9fidEHQD
β steve ducey (@SteveDucey) August 6, 2020
I have no covid-19 symptoms, which from what I hear, is a symptom of covid-19
β Harrison (@harriweinreb) August 6, 2020
β¨me voting for Biden in november pic.twitter.com/zpWRaySQPa
β susan thee anthony (@rodb) August 6, 2020
August 6
Horrible time for the NRA, first they close down schools and now this.
β Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) August 6, 2020
β¨How to share you battery life on iPhone π₯ pic.twitter.com/GOQNbc9Z9X
β AideN π³π¬ βΌ (@Aiden_Nsl) August 6, 2020
I mean...
β yvette nicole brown (@YNB) August 6, 2020
Hey β¦@HamillHimselfβ© have you seen this?! β€οΈ pic.twitter.com/ink3S66dLo
It happened.
β Ruth Gotian, EdD, MS (@RuthGotian) August 6, 2020
I received the reviews for a manuscript I submitted. I was told to read & cite the work of Ruth Gotian.
I am Ruth Gotian.