This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: September 3, 2020
August 28
that's years of evolutionary adaptation due to the lack of pockets in most women's clothes https://t.co/1icBkmF2kT
— wachirakeith chittsawangdee (@ElChicoPocoLoco) August 29, 2020
think about this a lot. pic.twitter.com/yYXaO5r8I5
— brain genius (@Millerheighife) August 29, 2020
I don't want to be that person but it's 485 miles, lol https://t.co/AFH5kociwh
— Patricia A Cameron (@COBlackpacker) August 28, 2020
Conservatives: shut up and dribble!
— L Ron Mexico (@LRonMexico) August 28, 2020
NBA: no
Obama: shut up and dribble a ball with "BLM" written on it
August 29
i loled pic.twitter.com/zGkWFfOz7L
— mindy🌷 #DSA4USPS (@mindyisser) August 29, 2020
One HUGE downside of Zoom I have not heard appropriately acknowledged is that there is no way to exchange covert glances with one other person about the nonsense some other person is spouting and that is like 50% of how I communicate.
— Rebecca Metz (@TheRebeccaMetz) August 30, 2020
a lot of people really hate looting but love museums and that's interesting to me
— if bein wong's a crime, i'm servin forever (@allmydads) August 29, 2020
Anyone had an ex with a weird fetish? My ex had one, he used to dress up in his own clothes and act like a massive cunt.
— Its Leisa, not Lisa (@leisaisntdrunk) August 29, 2020
😭😭 i cant even believe ppl are telling their kids and then taking pics of them crying. https://t.co/KE4zyBdCVH
— Good Twin (@MelaninMiyagi) August 30, 2020
August 30
If you get bitten by a shark, bite it back. You'll still probably die but the shark will be like "lol what"
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) August 30, 2020
In case people forgot how the Republicans accepted Obama in 2008: https://t.co/9OGAgIpqCS pic.twitter.com/U0qxikEgl2
— Lia (@lialozanooo) August 31, 2020
GIRL, YOU ASKED ME! pic.twitter.com/UBNFldJq21
— Chris says Bravo Lima Mike🍍 (@seneca) August 31, 2020
ya, can i get pic.twitter.com/3eLVmb6Ovq
— ꧁𝕸𝖆𝖉𝖎𝖒𝖔𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖊꧂ (@drivingmemadi) August 30, 2020
we had bread in the 90s https://t.co/u4u8KLYlru
— Jill Krajewski (@JillKrajewski) August 30, 2020
August 31
Certified freak, *seven* days a week? This is why we must unionize
— drew janda (@drewjanda) September 1, 2020
I be at Trader Joe's with no list just vibes
— Virgo Szn ♍️ (@___inCANdescent) August 31, 2020
What if #WAP by @iamcardib and @theestallion was done by an #80s R&B artist? pic.twitter.com/3x8o38eWLh
— Jay Diggs (@jaydiggsmusic) August 31, 2020
a beautiful himbo angel, look at him 🥰 he's reading an empty book sleeve, an inspiration to himbos everywhere https://t.co/gFr4jfn5VV
— ladies.ladies.ladies.ladies (@VaVaGloom) August 31, 2020
I appreciate that this was done for scale but it looks like she just ate all the meat on those bones and had to have a bit of a lie-down https://t.co/9O2elQ97eP
— Oops! Grandma Taters Killed God (@FleshlessArt) August 31, 2020
September 1
day 1 of class pic.twitter.com/gjl8g2D6yH
— ur grandma mia (@itsmiameera) September 2, 2020
My school literally put up a rule where we are NOT allowed to eat while online.
— bookish 🇭🇹 (@aROSEthatGREW) September 1, 2020
I AM IN MY OWN FUCKING HOUSE.
As per my last engraved tablet pic.twitter.com/ajB2E0ktWp
— Lethality Jane (@LethalityJane) September 1, 2020
Losing my fucking mind at these apartment listing photos pic.twitter.com/9NydqvWsKZ
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) September 1, 2020
*me slumping over after brief, terrible sex* "that's what it would be like with the other guys" https://t.co/GJDykfcdBS
— Sam Adler-Bell (@SamAdlerBell) September 1, 2020
At the end of Ratatouille, the food critic, Anton Ego, ends up funding a small bistro for Remy to cook in.
— Das Skoogeth (@Skoog) September 1, 2020
The avg lifespan for a rat (ie THE HEAD CHEF) is 1.8 years.
This is an absolute shit investment.
RIP the Ossington. made a lot of friends there. had a lot of laughs. left my computer there lots.
— john (@johnsemley3000) September 1, 2020
excited for the future of the space, whether it be a cannabis store that's forced to rebrand following a cultural appropriation scandal, or a store selling $45 potted succulents.
Some clumsy goof must've tripped and spilled some blue paint on this sign. pic.twitter.com/9WrhMaLZ48
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) September 1, 2020
September 2
This might be the most New York shit I've ever seen...down to the hit out of no where lol pic.twitter.com/toz8GCoYkp
— THE ONE ABOVE ALL (@MRCRUZv3) September 2, 2020
the height of social media was like 2008 when you'd post "I hate everyone to the bitter end, nothing turns out right, there's no end in sight, I hate my life" (mad about geometry homework) and your aunt would comment "you need to call me" and you'd reply "lol it's song lyrics"
— 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗯 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗼𝗻 (@calebsaysthings) September 3, 2020
my boss will probably tell me to delete this in the morning but yes what he said lol https://t.co/MIMO7OuHsR
— Looney Tunes (@WBLooneyTunes) September 3, 2020
She shut my mans up so quick 😂 pic.twitter.com/HWXBhnl0D7
— Young Simba (@Mufaa6) September 2, 2020
My man managed to misspell both "Marie" and "Antoinette" pic.twitter.com/Ac24BDVmVW
— Max Steele (@maxasteele) September 2, 2020
Me making sure everyone enjoys the song I put on https://t.co/uilMSTxDSp
— AM 🧻 (@Abdulmir19) September 2, 2020
this is every trump bot account pic.twitter.com/C4oE7UWp2U
— kylie brakeman 🌹 (@deadeyebrakeman) September 2, 2020
WHY ISN'T THE MEDIA TALKING ABOUT THIS 👇 pic.twitter.com/nVnwZFGWM3
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) September 2, 2020
September 3Anyone else rip their mask off when they get in to the car like they've just finished a disappointing surgery on Grey's Anatomy
— Sophia Cadogan (@sophiacadogan) September 2, 2020
Sometimes we walk into a room full of white and Indigenous folk and shout, 'HEY, YOU GUYS START RECONCILING MORE,' and they do. They totally start reconciling more seriouser.
— Walking Eagle News (@TheEagleist) September 3, 2020
Credit where credit's due; that's fucking amazing. https://t.co/R3XI7VKbk5
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) September 3, 2020
of course a top would say this https://t.co/8JYVhxhKDe
— giabuchi lastrassi (@jaboukie) September 3, 2020
always one step ahead of the game pic.twitter.com/yHEXZogLYx
— eli? no. elus ✨ (@jazz_inmypants) September 3, 2020
makes sense, batman mask covers all the wrong parts https://t.co/H8GKO63Lk8
— ben mekler (@benmekler) September 3, 2020
Batman has Covid? Wow, this whole thing has kinda come full circle for bats.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) September 3, 2020